Game: Demon’s Souls Category: multiplayer systems Reproducibility: always Severity: feature Assign to: Shinichiro Nishida, System Designer Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: fucking multiplayer notes Description: You put core play spoilers inside our game. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Go to any of the traps that Daisuke made. Or a boss. Fucking pick one at random. 2) Now, look on the ground. What do you see? 3) Fucking notes all over the ground. Read just one. People begging for shit. People telling you to look out for the trap. People fucking telling you to go stand in a corner to do a line of sight exploit. Even if you didn’t want to do an exploit, you’re sure as shit gonna do one now. Solution: Rip these fuckers out. The spots of blood do the same job, but they keep the fucking mystery alive, man.
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Game: Deus Ex Category: object collision Reproducibility: always Severity: minor Assign to: Chris Norden, Lead Programmer Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: fucking LAM ladders Description: You can climb whatever the fuck you want by jumping on LAMs. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Acquire two-three LAMs (gas grenades work, too—what a fucking misnomer). 2) Put one LAM on a wall. 3) Jump on that shit. 4) Realize that you’re not gonna fucking fall back to the ground. 5) Make like a ladder out of them. 6) Fuck up our level design. Solution: When was the last time you fucking went rock climbing? Do we have a story in here about how JC is a fucking expert rock climber? Is that a skill that the fucking future police have? Because I’m pretty sure you’d need to be the Jesus of fucking rock climbing, plus a crazy asshole, to try climbing up a building using fucking mines. Don’t make stupid shit collidable.
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Game: Street Fighter HD Remix Category: game balance Reproducibility: always Severity: major Assign to: David Sirlin Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: akuma v. my little sister Description: I can’t fucking beat my little sister with Akuma every time like I could in Super Turbo. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Select Akuma (I think you hid him above Honda’s selection box). 2) Fucking play against my little sister. 3) Try locking her up with cheapass air fireballs and invulnerable moves. Solution: Reduce red fireball recovery, make his fucking legs invulnerable on ducking kicks, don’t let him get fucking dizzied, make his head invulnerable on teleport, give him more health, don’t give other characters time to jump out of Raging fucking Demon.
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Game: Pac-Man Category: back end Reproducibility: always Severity: major Assign to: Shigeo Funaki, Programmer Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: fucking kill screen Description: Fucking screen gets wild as shit if you make it to level 256. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Be obscenely good at Pac-Man. 2) Get to level 256. 3) Get a fucking load of the right half of your screen right now. Solution: Fix the internal level counter or some shit. I don’t know, ask a fucking nerd how it works.
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Game: Heavy Rain Category: save/load Reproducibility: random Severity: minor Assigned to: Sophie Buhl, Lead Game Builder Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: naked madison Description: Sometimes you load your game only to find that Madison has taken her fucking clothes off. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Go to chapter ”On the Loose.” 2) Complete “lovemaking” sequence between Ethan and Madison. 3) Turn off your game. 4) Reload to find Madison, stuck in a room, by herself, naked as fuck. Solution: Make it so that characters who get naked before you turn the game off remember to put their fucking clothes back on by the time you turn the game back on.
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Game: Red Dead Redemption Category: NPC generator Reproducibility: random Severity: minor Assigned to: Steven Reed, Lead Graphics Programmer Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: fucking bird people Description: Sometimes birds get assigned the body parts of fucking human beings. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Go outside. 2) Look in the air. 3) Randomly there are fucking bird people up there. Solution: Bird people aren’t a real fucking thing. Get rid of them. Maybe we should stop putting animal parts in the same fucking directory as people parts.
Game: Jetpack Basketball Category: scoring Reproducibility: random Severity: major Assign to: Mark Essen Reported by: Simon Ferrari Summary: fucking basket glitch Description: Sometimes when you’re yellow and you make a fucking basket, it doesn’t give you your fucking points. Steps to Reproduce: 1) Be yellow. 2) Score a basket. 3) Randomly don’t get your fucking points. Solution: You should get your fucking points when you make a basket when you’re yellow.
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